How to save money....

..... with the rising fuel price

And they are back

You.

Ketawa terbahak-bahak, menangis teresak-esak

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.

- M. K. Gandhi

Violinist Child prodigy

Bazzini's 'La Ronde Des Lutins'

I'm really amazed by this kid's talent:



And this is how it would sound when a pro plays the same song:

If I wasn't a doctor

...I'd like to be a profesional violinist or cellist.

At the moment I'm just in love with John William's (birth 1932) "Schinder's list". Ideally you would like to hear this in a quiet, comfortable room, and with your eyes closed so that you fully feel the intense melancholic rawness of the string music.

This is the cellist version of it. I personally prefer this because of its very profound note.



And this is a violinist version

Mind over matter?

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” -Dr Seuss.

Psychiatry

Diagnosis: Idiopathic high-grade hypohedonia, neurocitism, and introvertism

DDx and Mx, anybody?

Elisa Toffoli - 'Dancing'

good enough?

As friend of mine came to my room and poured out her feeling of agony about how she felt inferior to many things in her life, and how she felt overwhelmed by them. It just got me thinking, while I look at her as someone who does a lot of (interesting and adventerous) things, which I consider wow!, her reflection of herself was rather the opposite - she thinks she not good enough.

I did get me thinking how good enough is good enough? Who sets that standard of excellence? Do you say you are good enough when you pass or excel in your exam? And when you are good enough, is that barely good enough to scrap through one thing; or is it good enough to be barely excellent? Maybe barely isn't even sufficient to describe this phrase?

Some do think it is redundant to ask and think of such issue.

So you thought classical music is boring?

Hope this will change your mind: Go on, try listening to it

Contemplation

To move out, or... to remain staying in

1 years + beyond

Pardon the boredom. I didn't feel like studying (this is not my first time feeling this. nor it was the first day. Heh).

I have been in this room since June 2006. And still will be, next year.

V-day

Aaron's featured song of Valentine's Day: Valentine's Day -- Linkin Park



My insides are turned to ash so slow
And blew away as I collapsed so cold
A black wind took them away from sight
And held the darkness over day that night
And the clouds above move closer looking so disatisfied
but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
I used to be my own protection but not now
Cuz my path has lost direction somehow
A black wind took you away from sight
And held the darkness over day that night
And the clouds above move closer looking so disatisfied
And the ground below grew colder as they put you down inside
but the heartless wind kept blowing, blowing
So now you're gone and I was wrong
I never knew what it was like to be alone

On a Valentine's Day,
On a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
(Cuz my mind has lost direction somehow)
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
(I used to be my own protection but not now)
On a Valentine's Day, On a Valentine's Day
(Cuz my mind has lost direction somehow)

My boon, my bane

Yes, it's a matter of perception that determines which side of the half-filled/empty bottle you're looking at. And yet, there are many things that influence your approach to that. One way is through the experiencing it yourself.

I have this trait which I think can be both bane and boon to my existence. Desire to please people, to immense compromise that I'm willing to make. Some say we have to be flexible in life for the sake of the greater good. However, this utilitarian approach, to me at least, has involved too many compromises of my rights, values and principles. It's a constant battle in my mind. I struggle whether to compromise them or not. It's even more complicated when this also people around, especially those that you love and respect.

That banter was just something that randomly ran through my head. I was suddenly reminded of my primary school ex-classmate whom I was confronted by him after this particular event that happened couple of days before that.

Let's called my friend E. Well, E was selected by my music teachers to represent my school to district level singing competition. Unfortunately he fell ill just 2 days before the competition and had a terrible sore throat. And I so happen to be hanging out in the staff room and they were discussing the prospect of the school having to withdraw from the competition. (why I was there?... I was allowed to, coz I was the teacher's pet. bleeeeeeeaaak :P ) Suddenly, one the teachers turned to me, and asked me if I could replace him. I instantly said yes (boy, sure I had loads of guts to be impulsive those days). Cutting the long story short, E was there during the competition seeing me winnning the 2nd place in the competition. He was also presented with certificate of participation despite not being personally to perform. I got mine too (and also a trophy).

So, after the whole thing ended, suddenly I was told that E was very upset about me winning 2nd place. Not the fact that I only got 2nd (not 1st) that upset him; but rather, me winning it, instead of him. I found him in one of the classrooms crying, with pieces of his TORN certificate held in his right hand. I asked him why he cried. I was not quite sure / able to recall what his exact words were, and it was definitely something to do with the reason that I mentioned earlier. I was not sure what to do after that, and all I could remember was I asking him not cry anymore, everything will be fine. I then had to go home. At this point I did not ever label that as a 'confrontation' (gee this is too strong a word to use for a 12 year-old) yet.

I thought this would have been resolved. The following he was being really nasty towards me. He used the 'silent' confrontation' approach, and the news spread very quickly to my classmates and my teachers. I was even called in to meet the teachers. I tried to face him to settle this, but he just was being stubborn. And I even apologized to him - I really did not know why (for joining and winning the competition on his behalf? He could not even sing if he to join it himself). Even that did not work.

I really did not feel comfortable with this situation. Then I made an offer - that involved the ultimate sacrifice. I would give him the trophy (MY trophy) and he would agree to end this confrontation. He accepted it. Both of us even signed our names at the bottom of the trophy as a symbol to the end of our friction!

If he thought he deserved the trophy then so be it. But it was silly of him to destroy his certificate. Hehehehe

I'm still til today are puzzled by actions in those days. But there's one thing that I think still is happening. I give in to circumstances, very quickly. I need to be someone who is firm, and be true to what I principles that I uphold.

Charlie Wilson's war quote

I love this quote from the movie "Charlie Wilson's war" (Charlie Wilson is not related to me) quote:
Its underlying philosophy is very true for many things in life.

When a boy in a village gets to ride a horse, the villagers say, "Oh how lucky is that boy"
But the Zen master says, "Well, we'll see."
The boy broke his leg after falling off the horse, the villagers say, "Oh, how terrible is that boy's fate!"
But the Zen master says, "Well, we'll see."
Many years later, the village is involved with a war, and all the men were made to go to join the battle, and the villagers say, "Oh how lucky is that boy"
But the Zen master says, "Well, we'll see."

Chaos

This is a letter I received from the Coordinators for Kenyan Orphanage Project, a project that I was personally involved in. Recently there has been a political distress following the Kenyan election result, affecting many Kenyan districts, including Kisumu - the very place where most of the volunteering projects were done when I went there last year during the summer holidays.

Kisumu, during its more peaceful days

From: Dan, Beccy and Owain

We are writing as you will certainlyhave heard about the trouble in Kenya and thought you would appreciate an update. Sadly the worst affected area appears to be Nyanza and specifically Kisumualthough towns across the country have been in flames. The larger scale concerns for the country are about the descent intoethnic and potential civil war. There have been many attacks alreadyon Kikuyus by Luos (and vice-versa) including a very bad one in Eldoret and in Kisumu there have been similar reports. Whether Kibaki will give way/be ousted by political means remains to be seen. If not,the coming weeks could be very bloody indeed.

Meanwhile the streets of Kisumu are very ugly. There is a 1800-0600 curfew in place, many buildings are still burning, the supermarkets have all been looted or destroyed except for Nakumart, the waterhasbeen cut offand the mortuaries are full of dead victims mostly ofpolice shootings but also of gang violence and ethnic beatings. Port Florence ran out of food yesterday and the Kikuyu medical staff havehad tofleebut Joshua has managed to get supplies through and the staffare managing as best as they can.

Port Florence Hospital

TheVima kids have got enough fooduntil thursday. We are organising for a delivery of food to thembefore they run out and will make provisions to ensure theirsafety.The projects and children in Kochogo and Ombeyi are ok but Ahero by all accounts looks like a refugee camp with people fleeing from town. The street kids remain a big concern as HOVIC itself in the middle of townis in the middle of a battle field and therefore inaccesible. And because the kids have been targetted by the police who are shooting to kill- if we try to round them up for the purposeof food/protection we are likely to put them at greater risk.

Kochogo Children Feeding centre

HOVIC

These are indeed worrying and sadtimes. But we intend to stand infull support of our friends and projects in Kisumu. Along with ourcolleagues, partners and friends we will take all possible steps totry to secure the safety and wellbeing of people there. We are stillintending to go to Kisumu in 2 weeks' time and should be able toupdate you fully then.

It feels real to me. I still cannot believe that the very street which I used to walk when I was there is now not a safe place anymore. The very staff and kids that I talked - I don't know how are they doing now.

Lawrence,Hassan,Rose - the backbone of KOP in Kisumu

Hope you are fine

My prayers are with you guys....

We've completed another cycle!

There are 365.5 days in one year. And for every 4 years, it becomes a leap year as the quarters are completed (0.5 x 4 = 1). We therefore have 366, an extra day in a leap year.

2008 has 366 days.

An extra day. Extra chances.

What I learnt from church - Security in yourself

It takes insecure people to be proud - it takes secured people to be a servant

Lost weight????

Hmmmm... very strange. I'm putting this entry in because I only notice it once people told me so. These past few weeks people have been concerned about me being much thinner than how I used to be.

Stress? Hmm maybe. Maybe stressed out when my Consultant bombarded me with diifficult medical questions. Also, however, I must say I enjoyed my hospital attachments so much I forgot to eat.

Not enough food? Maybe - rather, more of me being veeeeeeeeeery lazy to make food. I must say I have not been eating properly.

Winter time, when all your fats are burnt down to produce more heat to your body? Possibly. Winter this has been more 'winter-ly' than last year. This year it has been more windy, more wet, more cold!