2007 in 20 pictures

L-R:
(Jan) Home; (Feb) Snowy London, Cambridge; (Mar) UH Choir; (Apr)Italy, M03P reunion in London, RAG week, Choir in Royal Albert Hall; (May) Fire in Floyer House; (June) Finals; (July) 2.5 year-old laptop dead; (Aug) Kenyan Orphanage Project in Kisumu Kenya, Team in Safari!; (Sept) Passed my retake!, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Sweeden; (Oct) 22nd birthday; (Nov) 3 weeks into Southend Hospital Clinical firm; (Dec) Christmas in London

Silent Night

12.28am, 25th Dec

I'm sitting here on my chair typing this, feeling bloated after returning from a Christmas gathering at Dawson House. I was thinking of going to St Paul's midnight service, but with all the public transport lockdown starting from Christmas Eve, and cabs charging you extra expensive, I decided to go for the Christmas service later in the morning (11a.m) instead. I'm going to walk to St Paul's tomorrow! for 40 minutes!

It's great to have people around to celebrate Christmas with. With all the cakes, chicken (no turkeys unfortunately), wine, and mince pie, I am experiencing a Christmas celebration in an English way. This is my first time actually celebrating Christmas in London. Last year I was back home, and the before I was Rhys' house. London city centre is very quiet over this period of time when everyone's gone to their own hometown. There's not much traffic, and public bus are less frequently seen to. You see roads decorated with Christmas lights. There are many Christmas trees around too! I really love the atmosphere of Christmas in London!

However, I do feel upset with the fact that I'm not celebrating it at home this year. I would miss the the oppoturnity to meet my distant relatives, try authentic Sabahan food as well as spend time with my own family. The latter may not be quite true since everyone will be busy making preparations for Christmas. There's always something happening everyday, a lot of gatherings and I don't really have much time to meet my old friends. I guess that's what any family would do, to make up for the time they have not seen each other for long time, by planning very, very meaningful events on this occasion.

It's quite a silent (mid)night now. It's time for me to go to bed so that I have the energy to walk tomorrow to St Pauls. Merry Christmas!

It's time to say goodbye?

This past couple of weeks, I've came across plenty of eternal goodbyes . None of them involved me personally, but being in an observer's podium did stir my heart to blog my thoughts about it.

These goodbyes can be divided into 2 categories: impending and occurred. For the latter, my friend's dad passed away after suffering from cancer. Another patient I saw passed away after complications of pneumonia. I saw another patient being opened up in a post mortem by the coroner to determine the cause of his death. I heard of a student that died in a tragic accident in my student halls.

I have never talked nor met them, and yet the story of each of their lives does make me think a lot of my loved ones.

The former - impending byes - happened when I was in clinic when my consultant had to tell his patient diagnosed with mesothelioma - a nasty, inoperable disease of cancer of the lining the lung - the progress of his disease, and its ultimate outcome. The prognosis is bad - the maximum time he is left with is 9 years.

He seemed be calm about it, but I could see that his wife was holding his hand as tight as I would imagine as she would, never wanting to be separated, could anytime burst into tears. Her survival instinct was very strong, trying to take charge as much as she can to make her husband be as strong. She must be hoping that if only the doctor's diagnosis was wrong. If only this is all just a dream. If only this is just a scam show where there were hidden cameras just wanting to record their reactions upon told that the diagnosis is all but a joke.

But no. The doctor's - a consultant's, to be more precise - authority and knowledge could not stoop that low. The doctor's right, at least most of the time.

Being a medical professional does give an unspoken authority to tell whether someone is likely to die or not from something. The power to control how much information patients would need to know, where in an ideal world they should know all about their health. The authority to deny resuscitation attempts in a patient with end-stage disease (patients and their relatives would have a say in this of course, but then that is ultimately manipulated by what the doctor says); those very 3 letters uttered that make a big impact - D.N.R.

Almost. Being a doctor gives you the power to control life, and death. Almost. Miracles and faith fill the gap. All these are in varying proportions in every doctor. It's a privillage which must be used properly, guarded with humanitarian and spiritual wisdom, and a desire to do what is in best interest of the patient.

You know you are a doctor when...

Taken from http://www.medicine.com.my/

1. You wake up at 6am on a weekend although you don’t have work.
2. A sound of a van reversing with a beep makes you look for a phone number.
3. You feel there is something wrong if you don’t have an exam coming up.
4. Can’t relax
5. Can whizz through a 300 page book in a day
6. Are sexually charged for no reason you can pinpoint!!
7. Watch scrubs and laugh at yourself.
8. Use the phrase “I am a doctor” to get away with something.
9. You are always tired.
10. When you keep on asking for stuff that doesn’t get done.
11. When you write more than a thousand words a day.
12. When you have no privacy.
13. When you look at a naked person on the beach and the first thing you notice is their appendectomy scar.
14. If you thought you have a disease you are studying about.
15. if you feel like your over worked and under paid.
16. If people call you doctor.
17. You find yourself always carrying a pen even if you’re on a night out.
18. When you forget to have a haircut.
19. cannula please!!!!
20. Are expected to be in two places at the same time.
21. Are expected to know everything.
22. Are called in the middle of the night to sign a piece of paper.
23. Are dragged to the end of the world to talk to someone.
24. Are expected to smile everyday.
25. Don’t understand what people mean when they talk about the “hospital smell”.
26. When you can see someone’s guts and think about food.
27. When you are not disgusted by the previous sentence.
28. If you can’t remember what you ate they day before! but still manage to remember the blood results of every single patient you have.
29. You are always thinking about the next job.
30. Are reading this sentence!!!
31. You think green is a cool color to wear!!

What I learnt from church - Security in yourself

It takes insecure people to be proud - it takes secured people to be a servant

Lost weight????

Hmmmm... very strange. I'm putting this entry in because I only notice it once people told me so. These past few weeks people have been concerned about me being much thinner than how I used to be.

Stress? Hmm maybe. Maybe stressed out when my Consultant bombarded me with diifficult medical questions. Also, however, I must say I enjoyed my hospital attachments so much I forgot to eat.

Not enough food? Maybe - rather, more of me being veeeeeeeeeery lazy to make food. I must say I have not been eating properly.

Winter time, when all your fats are burnt down to produce more heat to your body? Possibly. Winter this has been more 'winter-ly' than last year. This year it has been more windy, more wet, more cold!

My fiscal health defiency in sports event

I've been broke. Really broke. JPA allowance has not come in yet despite their promise of putting that into my accountin the last week of November. They say there was a problem with HQ, so money won't come in for at least another 2 weeks! 2 weeks! However, I'll be a happy man once the amount comes in! =)

Went to Nottingham Games (annual sports meat for all Malaysian Society in UK). It's really great get to see a lot of people. The Malaysian food they sold was superb... I could not simply resist the temptation of buying that. Obviously the fiscal prognosis on my emergency cash reserve in poor. On another issue, there are three things that I learnt today that has told me that you have been around UK for a very long time (especially true to medics) :

• You see fewer familiar faces of the people that you know in your college batch.
• You see more juniors than you batch mates and also seniors
• Those people who came to UK at the same as you (or later) are going to graduate next year!