My boon, my bane

Yes, it's a matter of perception that determines which side of the half-filled/empty bottle you're looking at. And yet, there are many things that influence your approach to that. One way is through the experiencing it yourself.

I have this trait which I think can be both bane and boon to my existence. Desire to please people, to immense compromise that I'm willing to make. Some say we have to be flexible in life for the sake of the greater good. However, this utilitarian approach, to me at least, has involved too many compromises of my rights, values and principles. It's a constant battle in my mind. I struggle whether to compromise them or not. It's even more complicated when this also people around, especially those that you love and respect.

That banter was just something that randomly ran through my head. I was suddenly reminded of my primary school ex-classmate whom I was confronted by him after this particular event that happened couple of days before that.

Let's called my friend E. Well, E was selected by my music teachers to represent my school to district level singing competition. Unfortunately he fell ill just 2 days before the competition and had a terrible sore throat. And I so happen to be hanging out in the staff room and they were discussing the prospect of the school having to withdraw from the competition. (why I was there?... I was allowed to, coz I was the teacher's pet. bleeeeeeeaaak :P ) Suddenly, one the teachers turned to me, and asked me if I could replace him. I instantly said yes (boy, sure I had loads of guts to be impulsive those days). Cutting the long story short, E was there during the competition seeing me winnning the 2nd place in the competition. He was also presented with certificate of participation despite not being personally to perform. I got mine too (and also a trophy).

So, after the whole thing ended, suddenly I was told that E was very upset about me winning 2nd place. Not the fact that I only got 2nd (not 1st) that upset him; but rather, me winning it, instead of him. I found him in one of the classrooms crying, with pieces of his TORN certificate held in his right hand. I asked him why he cried. I was not quite sure / able to recall what his exact words were, and it was definitely something to do with the reason that I mentioned earlier. I was not sure what to do after that, and all I could remember was I asking him not cry anymore, everything will be fine. I then had to go home. At this point I did not ever label that as a 'confrontation' (gee this is too strong a word to use for a 12 year-old) yet.

I thought this would have been resolved. The following he was being really nasty towards me. He used the 'silent' confrontation' approach, and the news spread very quickly to my classmates and my teachers. I was even called in to meet the teachers. I tried to face him to settle this, but he just was being stubborn. And I even apologized to him - I really did not know why (for joining and winning the competition on his behalf? He could not even sing if he to join it himself). Even that did not work.

I really did not feel comfortable with this situation. Then I made an offer - that involved the ultimate sacrifice. I would give him the trophy (MY trophy) and he would agree to end this confrontation. He accepted it. Both of us even signed our names at the bottom of the trophy as a symbol to the end of our friction!

If he thought he deserved the trophy then so be it. But it was silly of him to destroy his certificate. Hehehehe

I'm still til today are puzzled by actions in those days. But there's one thing that I think still is happening. I give in to circumstances, very quickly. I need to be someone who is firm, and be true to what I principles that I uphold.